He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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