I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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