she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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