don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
