Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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