You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
