I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize