I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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