seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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