I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
