I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
