Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
