If that was your dad, he is hot
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
