I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize