i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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