walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We need a shit load of segways right now
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
