I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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