You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
