Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
