He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
