i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
