Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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