I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
