he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
