My hand turned me down
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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