i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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