a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
