either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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