so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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