This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Me. At least after what I've been through.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
