My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
