Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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