What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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