He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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