Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
