I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
