This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
