Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
