Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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