your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Houston, we have a blender
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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