Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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