is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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