She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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