I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
