so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I want to fling myself into the sun
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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