doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
