giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Alive.
So much puke
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
