You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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