he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
