Can i not drive my cunt home
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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