Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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