Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
