Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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