i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
