I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
