Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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