I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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