Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
