Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
