So drunk its hurt
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
