is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
