Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
