I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
