Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
