just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize