it wasn't lemon gatorade
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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