I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
