So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
