In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
