remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
