we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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